Many will argue that I am far to young to have an opinion on what the world is like. That it is not for I to judge whether or not man kind is a sadistic breed of animal that kills and fucks for pleasure. Having grown up and seen it first hand, I'd say I am more than qualified to make the judgement. To decide what I see in the world, and to choose how I will survive in it.
It seems that more times than not, the true philosophy of life, is that of which my mother used for swimming. Sink or Swim and she just tossed me out into open water, where I had to learn rather quickly how to keep my footing and not become too tired. I thank my mother for that. She taught me what life is like. Many of the decisions made by the adult figures in my life, gave me the right to judge for myself.
Growing up, I found out what man's true hungers are. Sex and blood. My stepfather taught me both. As have many others. But I don't wish to sadden the lives of those who read this. I went through everything in my life for a reason. I'm not sure yet what that reason was, but as surely as I'm sitting in my leather computer chair and typing this post, I will figure out what that reason is.
Now as I mentioned before, balance is an important aspect of how I view the world. So to balance out that bad I have just mentioned, I have something good. Recently, I have made contact with my biological father whom I had been kept away from for fifteen years! This has come at such a wonderful point in my life, I was beginning to think I should just give up on even trying to find him. I thought maybe he didn't want to know me, but mostly I thought he was dead. Alas! He is very much alive as are his sisters and their children and the many friends I have made through meeting my family! I have found the light at the end of my tunnel. Sometimes the light gets blocked by the many obstacles that are bound to show up. But it is there! As of March 5, 2012 I am free and able to live with the man who gave me life, and who I know without the shadow of a doubt, would never do anything to hurt me. My dearest Daddy. Along with being with my father after years of separation, I will be able to spend time with my aunts and cousins, and ultimately, I get to enjoy being young, instead of having to plan out each day like its war.
My goal will be to, with every single challenge I face daily, find the silver lining or keep track of the light at the end of the tunnel. The world may very well be a dark and cruel place, but to accept that fact and move on without letting anything stop you, shows a light within you that will be visible to others and spread.
Life is hard, the world is cold. But there are always jackets and the occasional easy button (gotta love staples) along the way.
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