Drugging the mind.

There is a pill for everything nowadays. Depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, sleepiness, anger, happiness. EVERYTHING. You can go into a doctor and tell them that your appetite has increased and you've gained weight, they can suggest that you take a pill. No wonder everyone is addicted to something. Doctors are prescribing pills all the time. And the stuff you can get over the counter is no better. Not one bit. So you can imagine my reaction when my grandmother and grandfather decided that because of my lack of sleep over the course of a month or two, to give me sleeping pills. I didn't want to take them, I don't want to end up like my mother, but I gave in and took a pill before bed last night. I slept. I sat and pondered the reason as to why my mother is the way she is. Two things came to mind. She is undeniably psychotic, and she has no control.  I, however crazy I may be, have control. I can control myself when it comes to pretty much anything. That gives me an edge, and also helps to reassure me, that though I'm a socially inept person, I'm not a psycho like my mother and so many other people in my life.

I agree that addiction is an illness, but I also believe that with control, you can cure yourself. Its mind over matter. And I'm not saying I've never been addicted. I have. But I learned of my inner strength and ability to control myself. Thus, today's struggle. Control. I must first control myself, in my need for sleep, to not become reliant on the sleeping pills. But also, I must control my emotions and actions. Lately this has been very difficult.  Anger and sadness being the hardest ones. But I look at the bright side, no matter how hard it is, and I see that it could be worse.  I may be angry at my family situation, or my life right now, but I'm safe, its not permanent, and I have my REAL family to support me.

No matter how much I may struggle with my emotions, I will ultimately keep control. Controlling the mind, is controlling the body and therefor life.

Positive thinking time!!!!!!!  I may have to take the sleeping pills for a while, but the sleep will have me fresh and well rested for school, which I'm sure will help to improve my grades, and my ability to keep myself in check.  It's almost time for Christmas Break from school and that means plenty of time to catch up on work I've missed, and time to catch up on sleep. And, not to long until I can go be with my Daddy and catch up on the years we have missed. And add pictures to the scrap book I made for him.